History of a Cynical Pagan

I can’t claim an unbroken line of witches in my family.  I do have a part of my family rife with stories of precognitive dreams, and a great aunt who used to tell fortunes with playing cards before she became pentecostal and decided all such things were of the devil.  That side of the family also has an unfortunate tendency to bottle things up and stifle emotions.

I’ve always been what my parents called a “sensitive” child.  I would react to moods before seeing the people in a room. My parents bought their first house as an estate sale.  The women for whom the house had been built by her husband, had died, and her kids sold it full of her belongings.  I used to sit up in bed as a small child, and talk to her.  There are other ghost stories about that house, but I’ll get to them later.

As I got older, I experienced more premonitions and more instances where I would take instant dislikes to people and places.  This culminated in a house my parents nearly bought when I was in my early twenties that sent me crying to my car, and afraid of being alone for the next two days.

Since learning to shield, very few things get in that I don’t want in.  I’ve spoken to my husband’s dead grandmother, I’ve shown comfort and exodus to trapped spirits.  I’ve had curious beings/spirits drop in for visits, some good, some bad, some malevolent.

As a teenager, I discovered paganism as an answer to my dissatisfaction with the lax christianity of my upbringing.  Christianity never felt like home the way paganism did.  I’ve done a lot of reading and studying since then.  I also don’t have a lot of patience for other pagans who try to put on airs.  I have been known to go off at other pagans for putting down the young ones, or those new to the Craft.  I’m sure you’ll hear all about that later, too.

I’ve sort of lapsed in my practice, but lately I’ve begun reading some of the books that first inspired me in my paganism and been recapturing some of the early things I felt when I first found paganism.

For now, let’s just say that I’m grateful for the relative anonymity of this outlet, and the chance to write things that might be of use to others in time.  I don’t talk a lot about spirituality to other people in real life, unless invited.  But talking about it does help me navigate my own thought processes, and so… this blog.

I hope some of what I went and go through is helpful or meaningful to other people.  But, in all honesty, this blog is for me to work through some of my issues with spirituality and practice.


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